I was first introduced to online dating by a classmate when I was in my 3rd year of university. She told me about Tinder–a new app that she was using and how she was going on many dates with various guys.
Her dates sounded amazing; she told me stories about how guys would show up to her place with flowers to take her to nice restaurants.
She suggested that I should try it out. As an introverted and slightly awkward 20-year old who had never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy, I gave online dating a try thinking that I had nothing to lose.
When I first started using Tinder, I had no idea how it worked. All I was doing was looking at people’s profiles and swiping left, wondering why I wasn’t getting any matches.
I soon realized that I had to swipe right for people that I was interested in. Although I was getting matches, I wasn’t talking to many people and soon got bored. I decided to look into other dating apps and downloaded Plenty of Fish and OKCupid.
Through the course of my online dating journey, I’ve been on many dates– many good and many bad. I’ve had the most success on Tinder compared to OKCupid and Plenty of Fish. Although Tinder carries a negative connotation, I found that the guys on OKCupid and Plenty of Fish were no better in quality than the guys on Tinder.
Here are 10 things I learned from online dating. Read to the end to find out why I quit!
1.You may have chemistry over text but no chemistry in person
There were a few guys I’ve had great conversations with over text but there was no chemistry when I met up with them in person. It felt like I was talking to a different person.
2. Trust your instincts
If you have a bad feeling about something or someone, trust your instincts. There were times where I had a bad feeling about a guy but decided to meet up with him anyways and ended regretting my decision.
3. Be forward about what you’re looking for
Not all people are on dating sites are looking to date and that’s perfectly fine. Communication is key– it’s best to let each other know what you’re looking for so you don’t waste each other’s time. It’s not going to work out if one person is looking for something casual and the other person is looking for a serious relationship.
4. Proximity is important
I’ve had great conversations with guys but never ended up meeting them due to distance. It’s best to meet at a halfway point, but some people aren’t willing to commute far for a date.
5. Height is important
I’ve noticed many guys post their height on their profile. As a short girl, height was never that important to me as long as the guy was taller than me but I know it’s important to many people.
6. You can have great conversations with someone but nothing will happen
Some guys just want to be your pen pal. They’ll never ask you out but they’ll continue messaging you or the conversation will either slowly fade out or end abruptly.
7. Guys have different preferences
I had a stupid assumption that guys only looked for attractive girls. I learned that different guys have different preferences when I started going on dates with guys who I thought were way out of my league.
8. You can usually tell what intention someone has by the type of date they plan
I’m not saying this is always the case, but I’ve found from my experience that people who ask you out for drinks later at night are usually looking for a fling or a hookup. Guys who have been interested in something more serious will usually ask me out for coffee, dinner or plan a cute activity.
I’ve also been on a few dates where the guy will ask me out for dinner, only to tell me that he’s already eaten and that we should just have drinks. Thinking that we were going to eat dinner, I don’t eat beforehand and end drinking on an empty stomach, which leads to getting drunk quicker.
9. Just because a guy is a professional and has a career, doesn’t mean he’s looking for something serious
Don’t assume that just because he’s a lawyer that he wants to settle down. There are many professionals who’ve just come out of long-term relationships and are just seeking something casual.
10. Photos can be deceiving
I’ve been on dates where the guy looks completely different than his photo online. Sometimes the guy looks better than the photo, sometimes they look worst. Although physical attraction is important, don’t focus on the photo too much because it can be deceiving.
After 3 years of online dating and countless dates, I quit online dating because I met my current boyfriend on Tinder. We’ve been together for almost 7 months but I’ve kept our relationship fairly private.
So that’s what I’ve learned from online dating and why I quit. My best advice for someone new to online dating is to keep your expectations realistic and to have fun! You’ll meet some interesting people and some not-so-pleasant people, but that’s all part of the dating process 🙂
Thanks for reading!